Mental Math: A Guide to Identifying Your Values

In the age of individualism, we are constantly being asked, “who are you?” Are you having a Ralph Lauren Autumn or a Fisherman Fall? Are you chronically online or living a trad lifestyle? What apps do you use? How do you identify? Who did you vote for?

At the crux of these questions, what people are really asking is, “what do I believe in?” But they’re asking it backwards. It’s not our fashion choices or political affiliations or sexual preferences that determine our beliefs; it is our beliefs that provide ample soil for our self-expression. The modern identity crisis isn’t a result of choosing the wrong outfit but rather an inability to determine our personal values.

Before rock and roll and sexual liberation, we used to look to the church for guidance, but now that Christian Values have dipped out of the mainstream, many are feeling that God is dead and there is no agreed upon doctrine to reference. This leaves us alone with ourselves to create our own personal system of values or attempt (and consistently fail) to find meaning in the material.

The average atheistic–or even agnostic–American does not have a moral guideline to rely upon and is left to expend their worship on a series of superficial pseudoreligions: money, praise, ideology, etc. Without an existing system of beliefs to reference, it’s easy to fall victim to social pressure or our own feelings of safety. Our conscience has no ground to stand upon, and we are left flailing, making decisions based on comfort rather than honor. This is not to say I think the church is a steady post to lean our morals against; on the contrary, like political ideologies and cults, organized religion can bend its values based on social dynamics and positions of power making it just as vulnerable. Independent spiritual practices and intuitive value systems seem to be a more effective means of achieving moral authenticity–that is if the individual can hold themselves accountable.

After departing a psychologically abusive family system, I found myself confused as to who or what to believe. I had detached myself from the playbook of my upbringing and needed to find a new system to rely upon. Many that leave abusive environments find themselves in religious cults or other high control groups due to the familiarity of authority. I discovered a new brand of such groups: online socialism.

It was an incredibly simple relationship: streamers told me what to think, and I repeated it. If I had any questions or differing opinions, I was quickly corrected by my fellow audience members. I was told who was good and who was evil. I was informed about the news and told exactly what to think about it, and when I stepped out of line, my account would be mobbed by people I once considered colleagues calling me racist, transphobic, or classist.

It only took a couple swarms of intimidation for it became obvious I was involved in yet another unhealthy coterie. Nearing the exit of my exploration of online leftism, I serendipitously landed myself with a therapist that encouraged me to look inward to decipher my beliefs without the influence of my external community. She taught me how to get in touch with my inner Self, differentiate intuition from anxiety, and develop ego strength. What follows is a guide to how I discovered, named, and currently live by that ever-developing system.